Scary Mommy Manifesto

Learning to walk soon!

My sister-in-law recently came back from Melbourne with her 2 kids - a three years old toddler and a six months old baby. We were having great times (Yea, great) together, practicing my mother skills with this energy-never-dry-up toddler. Well, I would say that I'm so looking forward to my Darling's toddlerhood (....NOT!).

I solute how my sister-in-law handle her two kids, can't imagine how am I gonna do it myself. I better be well prepared in case I turn into one of those moms who's completely drained and just wanna get out of it! If you ever get caught in the situation, you'll find yourself more related to the article I found recently:

Please solemnly recite the following before proceeding:

• I shall maintain a sense of humor about all things motherhood, for without it, I recognize that I may end up institutionalized. Or, at the very least, completely miserable.

• I shall not judge the mother in the grocery store who, upon entering, hits the candy aisle and doles out M&Ms to her screaming toddler. It is simply a survival mechanism.

• I shall not compete with the mother who effortlessly bakes from scratch, purees her own baby food, or fashions breathtaking costumes from tissue paper. Motherhood is not a competition. The only ones who lose are the ones who race the fastest.

• I shall shoot the parents of the screaming newborn on the airplane looks of compassion rather than resentment. I am fortunate to be able to ditch the kid upon landing. They, however, are not.

• I shall never ask any woman whether she is, in fact, expecting. Ever.
I shall not question the mother who is wearing the same yoga pants, flip-flops and t-shirt she wore to school pickup the day before. She has good reason.

Self -feeding in progress :)

• I shall never claim to know everything about any child but my own. (Who still remains a mystery to me.)

• I shall hold the new babies belonging to friends and family, so they may shower and nap, which is all any new mother really wants.

• I shall attempt to not pass down my own messed up body issues to my daughter. She deserves a mother who loves and respects herself; stretch marks, cellulite and all.

• I shall not preach the benefits of breastfeeding or home schooling or organic food or co-sleeping or baby wearing to a fellow mother who has not asked my opinion. It's none of my damn business.

• I shall try my hardest to never say never, for I just may end up with a loud-mouthed, bikini clad, water gun shooting toddler of my very own.

• I shall remember that no mother is perfect and my children will thrive because, and sometimes even in spite, of me.

Excerpted from "Confessions of a Scary Mommy: An Honest and Irreverent Look at Motherhood: The Good, The Bad, and the Scary" by Jill Smokler. Published by Gallery Books.

How about you? Are you looking forward to your baby's toddlerhood?